THE BUTTOCKS AND THE DRUM...

Hi everyone,

It is such a beautiful evening. I love when the weather is so somnolent. It gives me an opportunity to daydream...there is no power supply, and for the first time in forever, I actually don't mind. This weather calms me, I almost feel like I can fly! *laughs*

I got the inspiration to write this poem three hours ago! I immediately started tying furiously on my phone. I am sure some of us who write understand the rush you get when a new idea pops in your head...it can be likened to the feelings you experience when you fall in love for the first time...I guess...

Anyway, I hope you get the same feeling as you read this!!!

Enjoy!

THE BUTTOCKS AND THE DRUM

What is it?
I ask you
Why do they love to follow a load of fat around?
I heard the iya ilu drum sound so furiously
At the tick tack movement of her buttocks
She swayed
He beat faster
She shook
He died slowly
She didn't need to dance
All she did was roll
She rolled
He beat faster
She rolled faster
He beat his hardest
She didn't dance
No, all she did was move the enticing fat
The behind she knew they would follow...

The drum refused to stop...
She kept shaking
At a point, it looked like convulsion of the buttocks...
She shook as if a demon was in her
The dundun drum spoke love words to her sumptuous buttocks
It said what the drummer lacked courage to say...
The drum professed love to her buttocks
Her buttocks coyishly replied..

All of a sudden
She stopped
I heard the drum grumble...
As if her buttocks heard..
It began to move again
The drum came alive
This time with a different beat
The buttocks replied with a slower roll

All the while...I wondered why?
Why does a 'pair' of buttocks have the power to render a man and his drum senseless...

Mylipsrsealed...

P.S. To the African men who love 'the buttocks'...

GIFTS TO THE EXS...stories my girlfriends told me!!!

Evening all,

I am moving to the second part of the gifts to my EXS. I am done being a regretful person so you don't have to worry about me writing to any more ex...no more hate PMs on blackberry...it is their loss anyway, I am now telling the stories my girlfriends told me about their relationships- past, and present. You will be amazed at how much you can learn at a saloon when you and your friends are making your hair.

Now, I don't really believe in female friends because...let's face it...we girls love drama. I have enough drama in me...I don't need extra...believe me!!! However, female friends are really blessings in disguise. When you think you have seen it all, heard it all...just ask your girlfriend about her man, and you will know you haven't seen nothing.

Two months ago, when I started the blook on my exs, a few of my friends decided to share their stories with me...I am definitely not sharing with you guys BUT I will be sending gifts to all the guys they dated.

I know I should mind my business but I am just an amebo!!!

So...enjoy the second part of the letters to the EXS...stories my girlfriends told me...

Now, this ex dated my friend, and he managed to make her drop out of school, have an abortion, and smoke igbo...Amazing right? Or should I say...I don't even know what word to use.

I am going to tell this ex a few things my friend forgot to say to him...thankfully he doesn't know me so...I am safe (I think)

By the way, if you are reading this, it means you are also an amebo like me..thumbs up

Enjoy...


TO THE NFA (NO FUTURE AMBITION)


I know your story
You have none
You love, hurt, then aim to kill
Almost as if you are a devil child
She slumped for you
She worshipped you
Then you revealed yourself.

I don't know what she saw in you
You are not even good as a handbag
The first rule is
He must look good as a handbag
Second is
He must have a plan
Me I know say you no get any of these.

Nowadays everybody wants smoke igbo
Like Fela child of Kuti
I wonder if they know Fela had a plan
He smoked igbo but he had a plan
He was plain but he looked good as a handbag
Why do you think so many women carried him around?
Silly boys of now
Smoking igbo without a plan

I asked her about your smile
She said it was 'just there'
I asked her about your swag
She said you had none
I asked her why she stayed
She gave me a blank stare
Mumu like her!!!

I am asking you
What do you gain?
Loving them and leaving them?
What is the point of breaking them?
Are you on some contract with the devil?
Tell me...I can keep a secret!

Look at her now
She doesn't even look like my friend
She looks like a familiar stranger
Thanks to you
We all have to start giving her a personality
Since you managed to kill the one she had...


Well, at least she is back
I don't mind what state she is in
She will get better!
She will be stronger
And you will see it...I promise you!


Mylipsrsealed...


P.S. To the ones who have no ambition yet they manage to get girls!!!

*Me I know say you no get any of these*- I know you don't have any of these
*Amebo*- meddler
*Mumu like her*- naivete
*igbo*- marijuana

THE RELUCTANTS...

Hi all,

I am so grateful to all of you that find time to read my blog.

Whew...what I am wearing is still on, my gift to the exs is yet to be finished, and I have other projects that are begging to be executed...I am in my house, and I can't work because I don't know where to start from.
How did I get so choked up with work? I wonder!

The weather is determined to darken every part of me, NEPA is not kind enough to supply electricity...top of that my modem refuses to do the work I paid it do...as if that isn't enough...I keep feeling hungry!!! How am I supposed to work under such gruesome conditions? I am telling you...hard work doesn't thrive in Nigeria...there are too many factors that are against it...

The best solution is to sit back and let God do all the work, once He is done...just take the icing and put it on the cake...and then sell it. Do not forget to give accolades to God though...since He did the work. That's what I do.

On a different note... Do you guys remember Ngozi Iweala?..the woman who backed Jonah during fuel subsidy? You remember her? She is a minister for something...she is supposedly very intelligent? You still don't remember? Ok, maybe this will help. She is the first woman to push a man to become the most cursed president on the internet...now you remember. Well she is contesting for world bank presidency seat! Imagine...she wants to leave Uncle Jonah after pushing him in hot water...I just pity Jonah..if she leaves..he is going to be made into asun (local suya)...*evil laughter*

Anyway, I am not interested in their palaver right now...I just want to tell you a story.

Story...story...story

The title of my story is THE RELUCTANTS...

Enjoy...


THE RELUCTANTS.

These three people wanted to be great...they each had their dreams...they all wanted to be tailors. They went after their dreams and they promised themselves to meet up after three years to measure their achievements

So they embarked on their journeys...

After three years..they got together and only one had become a tailor...why?

I will let each one tell you his/her story.

RELUCTANT No.1

Hello jare everyone,

I am a tailor no matter what anyone says. I can't sow, and I don't know how to cut but I can use my imagination to dress you up. I will draw and you will see. Don't worry, very soon, I will begin to sow...well as soon as I find a master who is worthy of my talents.

Can you imagine? I have worked with five different teachers yet I don't even know how to hem..hiss. It is not my fault at all. I paid them to teach me yet all I got in return were errands...not useful errands like...cut the material or sow the tear in that dress..no o...useless errands like..wash the baby's nappy..go to my house and sweep. Please how are those errands going to help me become a tailor? If you know your child is a waste factory, find him a potty or give him garri so that he will stop shitting in his nappies.

I should have known better than to go to local tailors for apprenticeship...all they do is send their apprentices on errands meant for maids. Anyway, I quit after two years of washing nappies, sweeping, and cursing. I went back home, and I decided to write Jamb...at least if I go to the university..I can learn tailoring in a better environment, I will even apply for apprenticeship in all those Lagos fashion designing institutions...I will try one girl..Lisa Folawiyo abi? Yes! I read about her on the internet.

I hope I pass Jamb sha..Gawd forbid I wash nappy again!!!

I am a tailor not a maid!!!

RELUCTANT No.2

Hi people,

Can I just say this is awkward. I feel so weird. I am the only one who is a tailor amongst my three friends...they seem indifferent but I know better.
I just hope none of them reports me to their witchcraft mothers, I have enough challenges, I don't need anyone doing 'ayamatanga' to me. I am not a prayer warrior and my parents are muslims that don't pray 5 times a day.

Well, God help me. So, how did I become a tailor?

Well, I endured all the pain with my master for two years. I learnt all I could while she was not watching, and then I stole all her customers!!!
Don't look at me like that, I didn't have time to meet people and advertise myself so I used what I had to get what I needed...simple.

I hear she has not stopped cursing me since I got my freedom but I am not moved. I am a tailor and I have my certificate and experience to bear me witness.

I am not going to school so this is my only means of survival. Whoever stands in my way will perish in the lake of hell. I sha Allah!! I am a tailor and I will be the best.

I know these two idiots will still come and work for me...don't tell them I said so..

Education...my foot!!!


RELUCTANT No.3

Hello,

Why am I explaining to you the reason why I am not a tailor? Do you feed me?..ok, since you have a lot of time on your hands to be listening to stories...let me indulge you...

I am not interested in tailoring, I want to be a footballer. However, my grandfather does not believe in football. That is the reason I decided to go for tailoring. I thought I could play football in my spare time. I thought tailoring was easy. Is it not cutting, sowing..yes plus measurement...so, I started working...whenever my oga was not around, I would go and play football...one hour before he comes back, I will go to the shop and start sowing.

He would always ask why the job wasn't finished and I would lie. Nepa was not stable in that area so it was very easy to lie against Nepa...

I thought I was smart, and I knew how to play my cards until the day I forgot to finish a customer's dress and she turned out to be my teammate's mother...well the rest is history..I got thrown out.

I am happy it happened. It was either he threw me out or I started sowing mismatched clothes for his customers.
I am going to MTN's football academy...

Tailoring should go and sit down...

Mylipsrsealed..

P.S. For the 3 little girls I heard gossiping!!!

THEY SAID...

Morning everyone,

I am so glad to end this 3 part story...I had so much fun writing them. I hope you enjoy reading them too. I pray we learn to help one another, and fight rape...it is very important to help young girls realise the danger of rape, and how to avoid it...I am saying NO to rape...please join me in the fight against it...


THE MAN LIVING UPSTAIRS SAID...

I am not sure what happened. I am never at home so I don't know what goes on. However, I have been seeing both of them together for a while. I know they are always laughing. I thought they were happy. Wait...are you saying she is not his girlfriend? Ehn ehn...I did not know.

Anyway, I heard she said he raped her. I think it is disappointing that a young man of that status can degrade himself to such a standard. Why? When he can get any other girl. Women are too many for anyone to start thinking of rape. If you toast one, and she says no...move to another, eventually one of them would see you as their kind of man.

Take me for example, I met my wife after chasing all the girls in my university. I chased everything in skirt because I needed a girlfriend desperately but nobody saw me as their 'mr right.' It was when I gave up, and I went to the village to see my mother that I met my wife....well, to be sincere, I knew my mother had picked a girl for me but I didn't want to marry a bush girl. I wanted a fresh graduate. However, since nobody wanted me,I had to marry her...look at me now, I am happy. I am not sure my mate at the university would have made me happy. My wife has given me three boys and still counting. I am a proud father.

My point is...no need to rape a girl when you can meet another that will give you for free...


THE WOMAN STAYING IN THE QUARTERS SAID...

That boy is wicked...useless boy!!! Oloshi..raping a geh just like that. I don't really blame him sha. If you saw the way the girl was always parading his house...you will know something was bound to happen. I am just sorry for her. Who will marry her now? Everybody knows she is no longer pure...wait was she ever pure? Children of nowadays that think sex is a free gift...no shame at all (hiss)

Look at me, my husband...may his soul rest in peace...married me a virgin,...how many gehs can boast of that? Me...I was the most beautiful then...I was finer than that geh that is using her big mouth to spoil her name...as fine as I was, did I get raped? No!!! I knew better than to be parading myself like baby kingsway around a man...

Anyway, I am glad she is leaving. I can't help but feel sorry for her. She makes me uncomfortable. Every time, I see her, I feel like giving her ten naira or something, and patting her head. She should go abeg.

The foolish boy has nothing to lose. All he has to do is pretend he has changed, shed a few crocodile tears, and all the gehs will pity him. Soon, he will have another geh to sleep with. He will damage another one, and that one too will allow herself be damaged willingly...please he needs to go too. My daughter is five years old, and I will like her to remain a virgin till she meets a rich, fine, Yoruba man from Ekiti that will build me a beautiful house ,and marry her...


Please both of them should leave this house...I have said my own...

Mylipsrsealed...

P.S. Please fight rape anywhere you are...

Oloshi- useless
Geh- girl
Baby kingsway- a barbie doll

SHE SAID...

Hi everyone,

I am telling the same story from another angle...so exciting right? It is a sad story, and I can't do enough justice to it. Every time, I write I make use of my imagination, and my ever expanding knowledge of incidents. I create these characters but I am not sure I really tell their stories well enough...I wish I could breathe life into them so they can speak...I am such a dreamer right?

Well, since I don't have superpowers, please try,and enjoy the work of an ordinary being telling extra-ordinary stories!!!

Enjoy!!!


SHE SAID...

Why did he do it?...was I too friendly? Did I give him signals that made him do it? I specifically turned down his proposals twice...why?...why me?...maybe I was too nice...my dresses are not short or showy..I dress like a lady...so why?

I wasn't nasty to him when we were friends not even when I noticed he had mouth odour. I overlooked it, and I kept my friendship with him. I don't understand where I erred. I was a good neighbour, and friend. I trusted him with secrets I couldn't tell my friends. I guess it is true what they say...' Never trust a man who is too affectionate.'

We did not start as friends...just neighbours who were civil to each other. Every morning, I stepped out of my flat, he was the first person I saw. He always had a smile for me. You know that genuine smile that helps to make a day better...well that was the kind of smile he had every morning. I should have known better...

We became closer after I broke up with my boyfriend. I was so heart broken, and I had no-one to talk with...so, I found solace in his arms. He never blamed me for the break-up. He always blamed my ex, which made me admire him even more. We started to gist daily. I didn't want to overwhelm him with my presence, so, I decided to always go to his flat rather than he come to my flat...foolish me right?

I admired his spirit, and I loved listening to him. He always knew what to say....which is a rare gift. All the men I knew had a problem with timing but he never did. He said, and acted at the right time. I was so comfortable with him, I decided to make him my best friend.

I was not sure he liked girls until he asked me out. I had never seen a girl with him so I assumed he didn't like girls...well he certainly proved me wrong.

I tried to introduce him to a friend after he asked me out but he didn't bother to ask for her number. He was so cold to her, she was mad at me for wasting her time.

I did everything to make him happy. I tried getting him a girlfriend, and he showed no interest.
Where on earth did I go wrong?
Did I annoy him? Did I not make myself clear enough? What did I miss?

Why did he do it?...the coward ****** me...I can't even say the word. He took my dignity. At first I swore never to tell.
I have changed my mind...I am telling everyone who cares to listen...yes...I was a victim...

I believed he was harmless until he showed me that all men are the same...the difference is their colour, race, and background...
I went to him in my time of need, and he took advantage of my vulnerability....I had not been to church in a while but after he did it...I went to church, I cried so hard, the pastor in charge asked me to her office. Thank God it was not a man, I am not sure how I would have reacted. I just sat in the office crying.
It was almost as if she could read my mind, she said ' God will heal you, and take away the pain'

I went home, and I became numb. I thought rape only happened to young girls, who are in school, have useless men in their families, girls who were marked out by other boys, and attacked or girls who suffered in the hands of armed robbers. I never imagined I could go through it. I did not experience it when I was younger so, why now?

I decided to speak because I wanted to humiliate him...I wanted to shame him.

Now, I just want to move to another environment. I don't care if he is sorry. At least I have warned all the girls I know in our area. I am tired of people looking at me with pity. I need some space...I am leaving him, and others like him in the hands of karma...I know he will pay...

Mylipsrsealed...

P.S. Please fight rape in whatever form...

HE SAID....

Hi everyone,

This morning, I got the inspiration to write a 3 part story, all about the same incident. It is such a balanced way of telling a story. I am starting with the man's view on the incident...don't worry, I plan to be fair..at least I will try to be. I believe everyone has a right to tell their side of a story. I really want to know what you think. I don't want to reveal the theme of the story now...why? Well it will ruin the fun for me, and you!!! Please leave a comment after reading.

By the way, I am not done with my gifts to the EXES but I am taking a break before one of them kills me...I will continue when I am at least three thousand kilometres away from the next ex...I am too young to die o...

Enjoy...

HE SAID...

I thought she wanted it...yes!!! she wanted it...women always say No when they mean Yes...

How do you explain her constant visits to my flat? She was always asking for small favours...'Please do you have change? I need to pay the vendor'...'Please can you give me your phone? I don't have credit.'...'Please can you help me pick my clothes on your way from work?'...

I am her neighbour..yes. But I am not her daddy, neither am I father christmas. At first I was only helping because I thought she didn't like the other neighbours but I found out that she was on friendly terms with them then I started to wonder why it was always me, she asked to do things for her. When she broke up with her boyfriend, I was the shoulder she leaned on...I was the one who stood by her,and I helped her heal....please don't I deserve a reward for all my knight in shining armour actions?...we became closer but I didn't ask her out because I wanted to give her time to get over the other fellow...

After two months, I took the bold step,and I asked her out...I acted like a real man, and I asked her to be my woman...I made myself look like a fool because of 'love.' She said no...she laughed at me,and said no. In her quiet, calm way she turned me down. I asked for a reason, and all she said was...'I am just looking for friendship from you, I really like you but not like that.' Please, how else do you like a guy who is loving, kind, and supportive? I know I am not ugly, at least my mirror tells me that every morning...I have also dated very beautiful girls even when I was very broke.

So, why did she say no to me? Am I not good enough? Am I too short? Or too tall? What is wrong with me?
These questions kept running through my mind when she turned me down. Amidst all of these, it suddenly dawned on me that women can never be satisfied!!! So, I decided to keep away from her..I swore never to talk with her again, I was so mad at myself, and her.

My decision flew out of the window the next day. She came to my flat with tears in her eyes, and she hugged me. I knew I was back to being just a 'friendly shoulder.'

I tried my luck with her again, and she still said no...so, I decided to get used to the role she had given me until the day she pushed me to my limits...

She came back home that evening, and knocked on my door. I refused to answer. Just for a day, I needed a break from her,I was tired of hard-ons, and desires, she kept arousing in me without fulfilling them!!! She kept knocking, and I turned deaf ears. I heard her move away from the door after a while, and so I decided to peep, and check. I opened the door, and she jumped at me. 'I knew you were inside! Why are you ignoring me, please let me in, I need you.'

Now, please can any man who is a man honestly tell me that he wouldn't have done what I did. She said she needed me, and so I let her in, now she is telling everyone I raped her!!!

Is it rape when a woman consciously brings herself to your doorstep?
Is it rape when she keeps looking so good whenever she comes to see you?

She gave me the green light and I took it. I did what I did to her because she wanted it. I don't know why she was crying afterwards. The annoying part is she stopped struggling after a while, she just laid there like a dead log of wood...I was too gone to care but now that I remember, I actually feel insulted.

After that night, she stopped talking to me. I didn't care, at least I had gotten a reward for all my stress. Then I noticed one of our other neighbours looking at me, and shaking her head. I knew she had said something to that woman. Now, she has told every one who cared to listen that I raped her...she said I forced myself on her...

I don't feel guilty so I don't care. However, if I don't tell my side of the story, everyone will judge based on her story.

I ask you..yes you...if she didn't want it, why did she make herself available?!!!

Mylipsrsealed...

Please say NO to rape in whatever form...

TO THE ONE WHO COULDNT FORGIVE...

Morning everyone,

Hope you slept okay? I know I did...at least till I woke-up, and I tried to go back to sleep...I had an awkward dream...well it started out making sense then it became very confusing....or clearer. Anywayz, I am up, and I decided to give ex number 4 his gift...with a very big smile. I am smiling because I have cried so many nights. Now, I am not someone who cries,and the whole neighbourhood would know...I am more of a 'silent crier.'
Sometimes I cry, and tears trickle down my face, other times I cry, and my eyes are dry. This particular type of crying is the most painful because you hurt so much, the tears refuse to come out. I give kudos to the male gender because they are very familiar with this type of crying...God forbid, a man should break down like a girl, rather he holds it all in, and he finds a way to let it out either by drinking, partying hard or taking up a habit..if he doesn't drink, smoke or party.

Now, I am not a drinker nor a 'partier' and I don't like smoking so that leaves me with taking up a habit right? Well, when this ex hurt me, I was too hurt to take up a habit so, I spent most nights crying inside, and smiling outside.

He took my spirit, and shredded it. Why? Because he couldn't forgive.
Remember ex number 3? He almost broke me...this one broke me, and he didn't even look back...

Lesson number 1..please learn to forgive...
Lesson number 2...never let a person own too much of you...or else you end up like I did...dead inside, alive outside!

If you are married, and you are reading this, please just stick to lesson number one...why? Because I don't know what marriage is like, so, I can't advise you except I walk a mile in your shoes right?...plus I think if a marriage is real, and true, then you and the person own one another abi?

Moving on...so this ex is one of those I wanted to not write about...but I guess I have to...enjoy...

To you who couldn't forgive...
I remember you now
Because I never forgot
You turned your back without feeling..
Feeling my pain, and silent tears
Even when you backed me
I still whispered your name!!!
Yet you didn't listen
I know you heard
'I am sorry' I pleaded
Yet you refused to turn towards me
You wicked soul!!!
I didn't cheat..
I didn't lie
I simply showed you my flaw
And you ran like a scared rabbit...
Ha ha ha...you ran
Even if I lied or cheated..
Are you so perfect to judge me?
If GOD can forgive...
Who are you to turn your back?

Look at me now
I see a man and I am afraid to show him my flaws
Lest he runs or turns his back like you did
If you were a leader
You would be a young Idi-Amin
If you were a woman
You would be a Jezebel
You should have listened
Or pretended to listen...
You, who I never should have looked at ever
I can almost curse the day I saw you
But I won't...because I am better than you
At least you didn't take a journey in me
Else I would have chopped off your manhood...
The thought gives me unexplained pleasure
Yes.. I would gladly make you less of a man...gladly

If I meet another like you
I won't run...I would stay and seek silent revenge
But if I do that, it means we are the same..and I am nothing like you
So if I meet you in another form...
I would show my flaws...love like never before
And forgive him what I hold against you...
You hear?
I forgive you for not forgiving me
I need to move on lest I die a bitter person
So, I leave you with this...a gift from me to you...
I leave you with this part of me
That I never want to see again..
Take it o...my lovely EX number four
Take the sad part of me...
That is all you deserve...

Mylipsrsealed...

To those who can't forgive...shake my head for you!!!

TO THE ONE WHO ALMOST BROKE ME....U WISH!!!

Hi people,

So, before I proceed to giving ex number 3 his gift, I want to apologise to you, I read some of my posts today, and I realise I have been making some really bad grammatical errors...oops!!! Gawd have mercy!!! My English teacher during my secondary school days would have beaten the fat out of my skinny body if she had read some of my posts...so, I will like to apologise for the past, and future 'gbagauns' (grammatical errors) I have made, and will make. I will try to be extra careful from now on...okay?

Now, back to the gift I am giving all my EXS...wait... I have some gist for you...an EX called me today asking what I have been up to?...weird right?..I haven't heard from him since forever.....maybe he thinks if he plays nice, I might not write about him...BIG SKINNY LIE, in fact he is the next EX I am sending a gift to...*evil laughter*

Back to ex number 3....have you ever met someone who tried so hard to make you into what you are not? I mean you start taking up habits you never knew you could? You start cooking, cleaning, and running errands while the guy just orders you around. You literally become a house wife without the ring, and commitment included...this particular ex almost made me into what I am not. Don't get me wrong...I am cool with being the good, loving girlfriend who once in a while cooks, cleans and does all the blah blah blah BUT I am not cool with being a doormat...why would you try to make me into what I am not? If you take me from ME...then all you have is nothing...

I left this ex because I looked into the mirror during the relationship, and I didn't know who I saw staring back at me...once you don't know who you are anymore...FLEE from the relationship...like I did...
So, here is to the one who almost broke me in the name of love?

You almost broke me
I laugh in your face now
You deserve an applause
Can we please stand up?
And never sit
In honour of him...
The 'tamer'

You asked me
I answered
Then you made me regret answering
You called
I responded
All in the name of what?
Love???

You never hurt me
At least not physically
But you managed to touch my spirit
You made me into another
You corrected
Not in love
But in silent anger
You gave
Not in love
But to save face

I laugh at myself
When I remember how I used to run helter-skelter
Just to put a smile on your face
I smile..that quivering smile
When I think of your ever moving lips
Always complaining
I hug myself
When I rememember how lonely I was...

Thank you
For making me stronger
With you
I was weak
With you
I was restful
Not the restless spirit
With you
I smiled once in a very blue moon
With you
I loved
Then I hated...
With you
I knew the meaning of using my legs
Because I ran away
As soon as I could

You never lied
Why would you?
To me, everything you said was true
You didn't need to watch your back
I sat at home like a dog
Waiting for its favourite bone
You were happy
I was not
You were comfortable
I was not
You loved the new me
I did not
You...you...you
Never about me...

Can I tell you a single truth?
You are not it...
You have never been it
You may never be it
Except you meet a blind, dumb, non-existing person
Or another you
I no longer loathe you
But I cringe at the idea of you
I pray no on one makes the mistake

Oya, stand up
Smile, and wave
The people are clapping for you
You, who almost broke me...

Mylipsrsealed...

P.S. In honour of Whitney Houston, and others like her...don't be afraid to leave...
You will find another...

THE DIVORCE

Hi everyone,

So, I am still working on EX 3' s gift. While you wait, here is a little something to keep you busy...it is a short story I wrote..I had a lot of fun constructing these characters..E.njoy..

THE DIVORCE

Tade was having a nightmare, he saw his wife chasing him with a long, sharp fork. He kept running, and she never stopped chasing, he hit a stone, and tripped. Before he could stand, his wife had caught up with him, and she was about to plunge the fork into his midriff when he woke up.

Sweat ran down his well chiselled face, and he was breathing heavily.

"But my wife is not even around." He thought.

He decided to wash his face in the zinc, so he was headed towards the bathroom, when his phone rang.

"Who on earth is calling at this time?" He wondered.

The caller's identity scared Tade, it was his wife, his soon to be ex- wife.

He dropped the phone like it was a contagious disease. He headed back to the bathroom, and he was about to splash water on his face when he remembered.
He remembered how he met the woman who chased him with a fork in his dream...

It was a day before christmas, Tade decided to run some final errands before christmas. He drove down to the market, and went to see his customer who sold rice.

"Uncle Tade, your rice don ready o." Obinna said to him

"Thank you, abeg pass am." Tade instructed him.

Obinna gave him a bag, and Tade carried it to his car, he was about to open his booth, when he saw her. She was buying Iru from a seller just a mile away from him. The moment Tade saw her, everything seemed to stop moving. He suddenly couldn't breath. He kept staring at her till she looked at him, probably because she felt his heavy gaze on her.
She looked at him, and quickly looked away. She paid the seller, and hurried away almost as if Tade was an armed robber.

Tade kept staring, until he realised she was walking away. He dropped the bag of rice on the floor, and immediately ran after her.

"Hi." He said when he finally caught up with her.

"Hmmm?"She responded.

"My name is Tade, and I am going to marry you but let us start with a drink, what do you say?" Tade said, trying his best to be suave though the market was rowdy, and he looked awkward with the expression on his face.

She looked at him briefly, and then she told him to leave her alone. Before he could say anything, she had stopped a bike and she was leaving.

Tade quickly stopped another bike, and chased after her, leaving his car, and bag of rice in the hands of his busy rice seller.

That was how he met the woman that he was about to divorce...

He washed his face, and he went back to bed ignoring the phone that continued ringing.

He was about to sleep when he saw a card on the floor that read Uzo.
He remembered the day he got her the card...

It was Valentine, and Tade wanted to surprise his wife so he asked his friend Austin, an artist to make a card for her.

"Hello Austin lolo...my card don ready?" Tade said into the phone.

"Tee baba, it is ready, come and pick it on your way from work." Austin replied.

"Thanks Bro, I trust you made the best because you know Uzo is the best." He bragged.

"I made a beautiful card." Austin assured him.

He picked the card up on his way home along with some flowers, and a bunch of keys.

"I am home baby." Tade screamed as soon as he stepped into his house.

"Hi honey, just a minute, I am trying to finish up here." Uzo replied.

"Ok, take your time." Uzo told her.

He went into the sitting room downstairs, and he knelt at the centre of the room, holding flowers, a card in one hand, and he had a bunch of keys in the other.

Uzo, ran into the sitting room, and she started crying when she saw her husband.

"Happy Valentine's day baby." Tade said smiling.

She knelt, and crawled towards him. They hugged, and he kissed her. He gave her the card, flowers and keys.

"Thank you Mr. Odeyemi...what are the keys for?" She asked jokingly

"Your new house Mrs Odeyemi...which I am sure you will never live in because you will be here with me." Tade replied

Uzo looked at him, and she hugged him tight.

"I will kill you, if you leave me, I love you to death honey." She joked...

"Stupid me, buying her a house, now she lives there, she lives in the house I bought for her while we were together!!! Plus she is trying to kill me." Tade screamed out into the empty house.

He kicked at the sheets angrily, and he was almost rolling off the bed. He took deep breathes, calmed down, and then the memories came rushing back again.

Tade couldn't help thinking back to the day, he knew his marriage was over...

He came home that day in a fine mood. Uzo had said she was visiting a friend in town so he knew he had to have lunch alone. He missed her already but he couldn't stop her from visiting her friends. He decided to call her.
Her phone was ringing but he could hear it so he traced it to their bedroom.

"This babe forgot her phone, hope she comes back." Tade thought aloud.

He was leaving when Uzo's phone rang.

"Hello...please call her..."Tade started

"Mrs Odeyemi, I am sorry ma but we can't afford to carry out another abortion on you, it is too risky, this is the fourth time in three years. If you insist, please visit another clinic." The caller parroted over the phone.

Uzo cut the phone, and he stood at the door staring into space for hours until he heard Uzo drive into the compound.
She called out to him, and she came upstairs.

The moment he saw her, he asked in a calm manner.

"Have you been killing my babies?"

She did not feign ignorance.

"Yes I have." She answered in the same manner.

Tade looked at her again, and he realised his marriage, if it was even to be called that, was over...

Finally, he shut his eyes but he couldn't sleep. While he tried to sleep, he remembered how Uzo used to hold him those nights when sleep eluded him. The memories kept tormenting him, so, he went downstairs, and called his lawyer.
He had a meeting with the lawyer the next day to finalise his divorce.

"Hello, Tokunbo are you awake?" He said into the phone the moment his lawyer picked.

"I am now. Tade how you go dey wake person at 2am in the morning?...is it because you are paying me?" Tokunbo complained

"Abeg no vex, I couldn't sleep..." Tade said

"So?" Tokunbo cut him short.

"I saw Uzo chasing me with a fork, she wanted to kill me o. Toks, can I file charges against her?"

"Under what?...Spiritual attack? Abeg go take piriton, and let me sleep...I am not getting a divorce so, my wife is near me, and, she is a light sleeper...goodnight!!" Tokunbo cut the phone.

"She is chasing me in my dreams so there has to be a case...hello...hello Toks?...bobo yi o gbadun sha." Tade dropped the phone.

Tade reluctantly climbed the stairs to his room, his phone was still ringing angrily, as if his wife's mood was affecting the ring tone.

He had no choice, so he picked the call.

"Hello." He drawled

"I am going to kill you!!!" Uzo screamed into the phone.

Immediately, the lights went out, and Tade knew he was in trouble...

Mylipsrsealed...

TO THE ONE I COULD NOT LOVE...

Hi everyone,

This is my second gift to my exs...this particular ex brings fond memories because he was so special.
I am going to have bitter-sweet fun remembering as I write. Sweet because I was his love, and he was my...? Ok...since you are still reading I will tell you the truth. He was such a good person to me, I was a little freaked out so I took him for GRANTED!!! I wish I could say I didn't see how good he was till he left but I would be lying...I saw how good he was yet I couldn't...I just could not love him...

I guess it is a girl thing. We see the good guys yet we date the bad ones...urrgh!!! Why do we do that???
Ok...I am through beating myself...let us focus on the prose poem...*serious voice*

Do you remember your first love? The one who made your heart pound...whose smile you could kill for? That 1st love that you could feel his/her love just by his/her looking at you?

Well, he was my first like...am not sure I was his first love but he loved me like I was number one...


MY LUMI....

I want a second chance with you...
I am not sure it will happen
If it doesn't
Can I meet another you?
Another you
Who is always dumbfounded when I am around
Another you
Who loves me with my flaws
Another you
Who corrects me so gently
Another you
Who sees our dreams
Not my dreams alone
Another you
Who wiped tears of frustration from my eyes
Another you
Who surprised me with tokens of love
Another you
Who was a fool for me
Another you
Who your friends laughed at non-stop
Another you
Who saw right through me
Another you
Who stayed even when I walked
Another you
Who loved everyone I loved
Another you
Who had my back...

My Lumi...
You must belong to someone else now
Someone who loves you back
Someone who holds in the darkest nights
Someone who dances excitedly
Just seeing you
Someone who listens to your heartbeat
Someone who would kill for you
Someone who is your better half
Someone who walks proudly beside you
Someone who is another you
Someone who is...
Everything I was not
Someone who deserves you

My Lumi..
If we meet again...
As you or another you
I can't promise not to make the same mistakes
I can only promise to...
Love you rather than like
Listen rather than talk..
Speak rather than scream
I promise to be grateful now
I promise you...my heart
My Lumi...now somebody's LUMI...

P.S. To all those who lost their first loves...

Mylipsrsealed

TO THE ONE WHO WASTED MY TIME and yours?

Hi everyone,

So, here is the first out of my several prose-poems to my exs...

Now, this particular ex managed to successfully waste my time...I spent my time, and energy with him, yet I got no positive result from it...how annoying right?

You know how you meet someone, and you try to fit into their world, making yourself into their idea of a perfect girlfriend? How you try so hard to make things work, and then one sad day, it sudden dawns on you that this guy has been wasting your time, and emotions, so you move on, no matter how painful it is? Well that is exactly what I made sure did not HAPPEN to me...I have too many girlfriends with their stories to be repeating the same mistake.

However, I knew from the moment that I saw this guy that he was a time-waster...I have met too many of them, yet I let him waste my time...why? Because I am a girl, who believes in change, chances, and blah blah blah...well, the guy still wasted my time, but I left as soon as I heard the clock ticking...so this prose-poem is for all the time- wasters I have met, and the ones that I even wasted some of my precious time with!!!


TIME- WASTER

I saw you
And I knew
Yet I smiled, and chattered away
From a distance, I knew who you were
Yet I gave you an audience
Funny isn't it?
How I knew yet I stayed

I stayed because of that beautiful face
I stayed because of your beautiful soul
I stayed because you made me laugh
I stayed because I saw us in my dream
I stayed because you lingered
I stayed because I fell
Yes I fell for you, and your time-wasting ways

I saw you with her...
Then I read your messages
I saw how your eyes wondered
Every time a female walked by
I knew you were not crossed-eyed
Yet I forgave
Till the next female passed
I knew I should have left
But I stayed
Because I thought you knew CHANGE

I left because of your lips
Ever emitting sweet words
I left because you didn't remember
To make me feel like the one...
I left because your eyes refused to stay
I left because you lied
I left because you had no personality
Your friends mattered more...
I left because the clock was ticking
And we did not move forward

I knew you tried
Maybe you should have tried harder
You didn't think I was worth it?
Well I am worth it!!
So while you wasted your time..
I refused to let you waste mine
So I left...

To all those who value their time...please leave while you still can...

Mylipsrsealed...

P.S. I hope the ex reads this...*winks*

PRE- TO ALL MY EXS...with LOVE...

Hi everyone,

First I would like to say thank you for reading my blog...I am truly humbled...I am not sure I mentioned this earlier on my interviews...I have another blog...http://www.mylipsrsealed-redlips.blogspot.com...so, please feel free to browse through my former posts...

Now...these series I am about to start is quite private because I am going to be talking about my past relationships and how they have kind of shaped me, and my response to guys...are you ready?

I am going to write prose-poems to all my EXS, I am doing this because I am hoping young girls can learn from me, and maybe you can identify with some of my prose-poems... you can call it a post valentine gift to all of them (The EXS)...*winks*

This poetry process is going to span over weeks, possibly months because I will need to be in the mood. Plus some of the memories might be a little too much so I might try to avoid them.
Don't worry eventually I will pen them down....

Anyway, in between all of that, I am going to write short stories, and take fun pictures to show you...yummy pictures!!! please keep reading and I will keep writing because...

Mylipsrsealed...

P.S. I hope all the EXS actually read it...

THROUGH MY EYES...

THROUGH MY EYES...

"Dolapo, are you sure you have packed your white shorts?" her mum asked.

"Yes mum" Dolapo answered in a longsuffering tone.

That was the umpteenth time, her mum was asking her the same question. It wasn't the fact that her mum was jittery, and excited that grated Dolapo's nerves. It was because she had so many places to go before heading to the motor park.
She glanced down at her watch impatiently.

"Maami, I have to go now, you know I can't afford to be late. Anike says the soldiers at the camp are not nice." She emphatically stressed the last word.

"Well...ok. Please Asake call as soon as you get there, behave yourself o. It is just for 21 days. May God see you.."

"Amen Iya Dolapo, I have to go now, you have prayed enough, please pray for me after I leave. I love you. Bye!"
She literally ran out of the house before her mother could say a thing. Well, she tried to run but she just ended up walking really fast because she had a huge box to drag behind her.

"Aunty Dolapo!" a distant tiny voice called out to her.

She knew who it was, so, she turned around, with a smile on her face.
Her younger sister, Durodayo ran into her arms, and held her neck so tight, breathing became difficult for Dolapo. With her face buried in her sister's neck, she wished Dolapo a safe trip.

"Please stay away from bad people, call us, and pray everyday. We love you." Duro advised

Tears glistened in Dolapo's eyes for the first time since she woke up that morning.

"See this small girl o, I am not planning to give birth there now. I promise to come back, I owe you an mp3 remember?" Dolapo joked

"You owe me an mp3, and a video game, so you better pay up." Duro tried to lighten the mood too.

She let her sister down from her arms, and slowly walked away.
She stubbornly refused to look back but as she reached the estate gate. She had no choice. She turned and all she saw was her sister waving at her.

"Go home Duro, mummy needs you...shoo." She wove at her sister, and got into the taxi.

"Oga o, aunty Dolapo, na here you think say I wan sleep." The taxi driver's voice jolted her back to reality.

"No vex, uncle Jo, abeg we still get time go Sheni's house?" She asked

"No o. I get customer wey I wan go carry for airport so if you no ready.."

"Ok...ok...let's go to ojota." She replied.

She was suddenly very angry at her mother. She wished her mum hadn't taken so much time praying, crying, and fussing over her. Maybe she would have had enough time to visit her boyfriend.

"Mummy, and all her drama, acting like she is the only one that her firstborne is a corper." She complained aloud.

"Huh?" Uncle Jo asked

"Not you ojare Uncle." She quickly replied.

She dialled her boyfriend's number but the network was busy. Angrily, she sent him a text, asking him to call her soon.
In no time, they had reached the motor park. She got down, and was immediately attacked by ambitious motorists.

"Ife, Kano, Katsina, Oyo." They all screamed at her at the same time.

She managed to pass through them, and she headed towards the vehicle going to her camp.

"Aunty Dolapo, bye-bye!!!" The driver screamed.

She impatiently wove at him, and continued walking towards the vehicle. Her phone rang in her pocket, eagerly she picked thinking it was her boyfriend.

"Hello baby...oh Anike, its you, I am on my way o madam, just got to the park. I am not coming by air so you have to wait..."

She kept walking towards the vehicle, and talking with her friend Anike on the phone.

Little did she know, that it would be the last time she ever set her feet in Lagos or see her family.

You see, Dolapo had been posted to Borno state, and she left for camp towards the end of February 2011, days before the brutal attack on non-indigenes, and christians in the northern states started....

Dedicated to all the corp members who never came back home...

Mylipsrsealed..

Shhh...I hear you

Hi everyone...

Have you ever wondered why a person has to scream???
I am a pretty good screamer...when I put my mind to it but sometimes its better to talk...
As you read this, please DO NOT SCREAM...

Shh...I hear you
No need to scream
I heard you the 1st time
no need to throw tantrums
I am not moved by all that
Shh...I hear you

Its just two of us
Why is shikirat talking too?
Its just two of us
Why are others screaming too?
I hear you...I have been hearing you

Its valentine
And you are broke
No need to scream
Its not my fault you can't perform
I will wait till its my birthday
I know you will do better
Shhh...I hear you

I understand
You are a little tired
No need to scream to save your ego
I hear you...
We can try it another time

Junior's fees need to be paid
Yet your salary is late
Don't worry I'll pay
You can bribe me later
Shhh...you don't have to scream

You can't get that job done
Don't scream at me
Go home
Take a cold bath, and sleep
You will get it when you wake...
Shh...I hear you


Shh..I hear you
I have been hearing you
The question is...
Am I even listening?
Shh...your voice is driving me insane
Just shut up...please shut up...
Shhh...I hear you

The landlord came while you were away
Don't scream at me
Just pay the rent
Or ask me to lend you some money
Shh...I hear you...

I needs to buy some shoes
I also need to feel like, and look like a woman
Don't scream at me because you can't be the 'man' in the woman
Just tell me the truth
I will ask our next door neighbour Obinna..
He is very nice to me...
At least he doesn't scream

You can't cook
Don't scream to save face
Just buy take-out and serve it
Its even more romantic
Shh...he hears you

Its my job to hear you
Its your job to talk not scream
Shh...pls I hear you...

...To them that hide under the umbrella of high pitched voices...

Mylipsrsealed...

I lost you

Hi every1,

... So, I can't sleep because I spent the entire day SLEEPING!!! My neighbour's generator would not stop making that annoying sound, and memories keep flooding back...urrggh! I can't stand sad memories so I have to write it out...plus it is the month of love..blah..blah. So, I am feeling all mushy..I thought I'd take you down memory lane...so you can feel what I am feeling...Maybe you won't feel like sleeping after or maybe sleep will just run away from u as in my case...*naughty me*

So, if you have ever lost someone or something (not to death alone o)...JOIN ME...

I LOST YOU..
Did I?
The snatched laughter
The borrowed time
The never ending conversations...
Yet I lost you...

I lost you
Even when forever seemed so close
The ceaseless fun
The never ending stories
Yet I lost you

You stood in front of me
Yet I did not see you...
The increased beats of my heart at your sight
Like the talking drums making love to a dancer's feet...
Yet I lost you

They say there is always another
Will there be for me...
Will I ever smile that lingering smile
Just at the thought of you?
Will I run to hide again?
While you look effortlessly for me
I lost you

You, who made the night look like the day
You, who I prayed for more than myself...
Was God not listening?...
Yet I lost you..

I lost you
Maybe my grip was too loose
Yet I tried to hold on to you
I refused to choke you
Yet I lost you

Now, in the dead of the night
I reach out to you
But all I feel is NOTHING
I know it
You know it
Yet I lost you...

...To those that have suffered losses...You will find again...


Mylipsrsealed...

i weep for my generation...

Dear diary,

Its my last day of writing letters, and am so sad...this morning, a group I belong to, conducted an election, and right under my nose, the election was manipulated...I am so unhappy.

So instead of writing you a letter diary, I am writing a poem.

I weep for my generation.
Where corruption is a uniform
And gangsterism is a culture
A generation that would kill itself
And maim others
A generation that sees the truth
Yet befriends lies

A generation that hates
Yet loves selfishly
I weep for my generation
That sees no further than power
And pleasure laced with gossip

A generation that instills injustice
And entertains deceit
A generation that hears
But it is deaf
A generation that embraces
Yet holds a knife to stab

I weep for my generation
A greedy, hungry generation
I weep...oh how I weep
For this generation
That dines with the devil
And drinks with GOD

I weep for a generation
That keeps shouting
Yet it is empty
I weep for the OBJs, Bankoles, and Abachas
Justice will come
No matter how late...

Diary, I weep aloud because I belong
Yet I do not want to be...
I weep...yes I weep
With no one to wipe away my tears....

Mylipsrsealed...yet they quiver

LIGHTS!!! CAMERA!!! STRIKE A POSE!!!

Dear diary,

Yesterday was an important day...I had a photo shoot titled WENGTTA with a couple of gorgeous models...I directed the shoot, and trust me na diary...I took a few pictures myself!!! I am a model too...only in dat situation, I was a photo director!!!

I was inspired by the strike...I wanted to show the Nigerian situation...the insolence of the racist rich in NIGERIA and the humility yet bitterness of the poor...so WENGETTA means 2 standing...the rest crouching...

Oh diary, you should have been there...it was a glamorous shoot...I worked with to be top models and I loved every single moment!!!

Can you imagine? I posted some behind the scene footage, and some of my friends were in doubt over my pictures...my own PICTURES!!!! Hissss...ok maybe, I don't always look that glammed except during photo shoots...

Who has time to be fixing eyelashes???

Only my future boyfriend can make me look all glam...of course he will pay...

Ewooo...diary..Val is almost here...no show yet o...I tire, where them boys@???

So WENGETTA was a beautiful success...Thank God!!!

Now editing begins...*deep sigh*

The photographer was very stubborn...pissed me off!!! Naughty boy...simple instructions, he can't take...big head!!!
Abeg diary I am tired...see you in the light of day...

Mylipsrsealed...I am too tired to move them sef...

P.S. When the pictures are out...you won't see them o diary...I am putting them on wordpress, my new blogfriend....don't hate o...Pele..

Phew...nice to meet you wordpress...mylipsrsealed..

Dear Blogger/Google,

During your few days of unfaithfulnes, I met someone else...his name is wordpress...I know I promised to stay 4eva...which I plan to anyway, it is just that you left me when I needed you the MOST!!!

I am cheating on you o..just thought I should let you know...my new blog is called mylipsrsealed@wordpress.com...

Feel free to go ahead and check on your competition...see if I care..

Anyway I don't plan to write much on ma new blog...just pictures so RELAX...I can already see the wrinkles forming around your eyes...na wa o I didn't know you liked me that much!!!

So I have to go now...remember to stay faithful now o

Or I will meet another person again...and this time I won't be so 4giving!!!

Mylipsrsealed...if you like, don't close your mouth...mosquito will just enter...hisss..

The diary of a single working girl...

Dear diary,

I am not so sure how I feel about this morning..

Ok..I just saw some very HOT dudes now so I guess it is going to be a good day...*winks*

Diary...

My BIS has expired, my internet bills need to be paid...I need a pedicure, and facials...I can't seem to finish my date with Lenin...really the single life is overrated because. I am pretty sure if I had a BF...my entire 'problem' would be solved...

I put up a request for sugar daddies...NOBODY applied!!! (Insult of the highest order) apparently I over estimated my sex appeal...even Jonathan did not apply...I can bet all my money (that I am managing) that I am hotter than Dame Patience...his loss anyway...

Diary, how on earth am I going to foot all these bills??? Almost forgot I also need a new wardrobe...pyjamas specifically..

I guess I have to make a decision about what to spend my hard-earned cash on... Thank God I passed economics in school...oh boy!!! This is going to be extremely tough...

Diary, Its nearing the end of january, and I am yet to meet cute guys that will val me o...na wa for 2012...simple request, it can't even grant....hisssss

I am tired of talking about fuel wahala but I have no choice...diary...can you imagine? Today, I have spent nearly 500 naira on transport...if I have to spend like that everyday...phew...I better start buying rubber sandals to trek...Leggedis benz please...

So with all of these responsibilities, I guess I now understand why being single is not a very good choice...tomorrow,I am putting on extra make-up, a gown that will stick to my skin like glue, and a smile even when I am sleeping in the bus..you never know who is who...I am taking everything personal because I must have a boyfriend by the end of the week...by force, by fire.

No more am waiting for Mr. Perfect...I am going to grab the next available rich guy, no matter how he looks...if he is married, then I will grab the next guy after him...married guys don't really appeal to me...I wouldn't want a small, thin legged girl kissing my husband so I won't do it to someone else...

I hope I don't sound desperate sha dear diary...its just...well I don't know...I need to foot these bills...
As if I don't have enough responsibilities..my friend's birthday is on saturday...urrrgh!!!

Why did his mum choose january now??? Anytime from march would have been good...

I will not let all these thoughts kill me...

My boss is calling me...gotta go diary...hold on a second...come to think of it...my boss is kind of cute, in a yoruba way, he is single, a bit old but who cares?...(maybe he is a die hard bachelor)...hmmm...diary are you thinking what I am thinking???...*secret smile*....official rules be damned!!!

Mylipsrsealed...

P.S. I hope my boss can seal his lips too...

should I or should I not...

Hey every1,

I have this amazing idea to write a book to all the men in my life who have in one way or the other contributed to my being...its so exciting...but I am nt so sure the people I am going to be writing about will be as excited...
So what do you guyz think...should I go ahead and write or should I hold on till I have am entire memoir!!!

I have an exciting photoshoot coming up soon...yay!!!

Mylipsrsealed...#walk2geda

Another letter?....Dear NLC versus FG

Dear NLC versus FG,

Can I start by stating the obvious...which is...I know none of you care about me or other Nigerians...it is just that NlC knows how to pretend, FG on the other hand...you need to take a few acting tips from NLC...

Now, back to my letter...

Ehmm, I should have written this letter last week but I couldn't charge my phone...why? Because FG is playing deaf and NLC is playing dumb...its like a game my friend and I play called the 'oh..ha' game...so PHCN, that doesn't function normally on a good day, now has a good excuse to not function at all...great!!!

Ok now my letter,

NLC please don't get me wrong...I know you are fighting for me...at least that is what it looks like..I also know that you have created a lot of opportunities for me and some other Nigerians to groove...(Ojota concert/carnival)....its just that...I am not entirely excited sitting at home...hungry...cranky...edgy...(I have run out of rhymes)...but you get my point right NLC???

Seriously.. back to the letter,

FG, do you know that some Nigerians are literally occupying the streets?...putting their beds outside..isn't that funny?...ha ha ha...*serious face* ok, I know it is not fuuny to you because I hear you lost about a trillion naira while Nigerians were busy occupying?...sorry sha...I know Jonathan wanted to use that money to buy lunch for his family...

FG, can I offer you some advice? I'll tell you anyway... maybe..if you listen to NLC, we will return to our different occupations and lifestyles. I am pretty sure, you miss all the small commissions you get every now and then cheating me and other Nigerians.
Although, now that I think of it...I am almost certain WE people are not likely to stop our demands at 65 naira alone...now that we know how much we are exploited daily...we are not so happy with you FG...as a matter of fact...WE ARE VERY PISSED at you.

'Oyinbo' people always accuse we 'Omo dudus' that we are not informed, and that is killing us...well we are very informed now o...So Jonathan and FG...please..the war has just started...I have gone to the market, and I am ready like other NIgerians for another week...(When my money finishes, I am moving in with Wole Soyinka or Don Jazzy...#occupysomewhere)

Anyway NLC dearie, I heard your meeting with FG didn't end well again...it is alright...don't cry o...we are ready for another week of doing absolutely nothing...yes we are ready to occupy Nigeria..Nothing...our streets...anything...

We Nigerians are ready to walk together..no matter how far or how sunny the weather is... Okay?...#occupyNigeria

I am tired of writing this letter that I know you won't read so I am off to bed...Goodnight NLC versus FG...I pray the bedbugs bite you FG...very very hard...so you can DIE or Somethjng...I am joking o..please don't send aunty Ngozi to come and beat me or remove subsidy from my sleep ( I no wan die abeg)

P.S. Fellow Nigerians *in my Abacha voice*... Please if you are bringing out your house furniture again this week...remember to bring an extra bed...I am hoping to pay you a visit...#occupysomething

Mylipsrsealed...xoxo

Finally....

good news every1...finishd ma date w Camara Laye...beautiful book...

Strange but beautiful

Now its time 2 av dinner with Lenin...I know its a lil early 4 dinner bt its Lenin so....Roll in the Russian dishes

Yeah Baby!!!

Mylipsrsealed...

...we will walk together....

Movies half of the time dont lie (I am not saying this because I am in the industry)...have u ever seen a muvie where a rich girl finally sees who her friends her after she becomes broke temporarily,...yeah that rich girl would be me...except I don't need to be broke 2 realise who my real friends are...thank God.

I am taking time and space 2 say thank you 2 a friend who said 2 me...'we will walk together'...

What makes this statement so special is the time it was said...you see, my friend said this to me today when the riot around my house was getting nasty, and unnecessarily dramatic. I needed to step out and get something(Mylipsrsealed) that was very important.

SkD said...chill for me... we will walk together.

SKD, U decided 2 walk with me when fear stopped others...Thank you.

I wonder if this is the spirit we have as NIGERIANS during these trying times??...the true bond that makes us all say...WE WALK TOGEHTHER...if it isnt the kind of spirit binding us...wouldn't we rather accept that a bond stronger than us has spoken...#ENDTHESTRIKE

BUT if we (Nigerians) are like my friend, then I say...PUSH HARDER...as long as we walk together...

#occupyNigeria...yes...

Do we walk together in these times?....I don't have an answer...

Mylipsrsealed..

PUT IN THE HARDWORK

Hi every1,
So my friend finally wrote and I love the write-up...pls read and let me know what you think...
Check my post on his blog...www.itayemi.com


The stuff below is my take on certain issues. Despite the fact that I quote from the good book, what I have written below is not necessarily Gospel Truth: I say the same thing Paul said in 1 Corinthians 11:16: "But if any man seem to be contentious, we have no such custom, ..."
So, I am writing about our tendency to subjugate work to faith. Let's take me as an example for a moment. I am sure that like the average person, I have a lot of regrets. Some of them avoidable. For example, I lost a good job because I didn't put in the hardwork. Yes, I prayed, but like someone said, prayers and such things (e.g., fasting) don't change God; they make us better people. Now, I could say I will do better next time, but unfortunately, like many things in life, there isn't going to be a next time exactly like that one, as they say, life has no re-takes.
Don't you wonder why the bible says to put the works of your hand before God, and not your plans/desires/wishes/dreams (Proverbs 16:3) because He expects us to do some of the heavy lifting!
So a lot of us sit back and expect miracles, which is why we are where we are today: the unbelievers have got everything God promised us while we continue to twiddle our thumbs and expect manna from heaven. Why is this? Because those same unbelievers as we think of them, have not (or have no reason to) misinterpret the good book: they chose to grab life by the throat and choke the goodies out of it!
Now, don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with hope. But we subconsciously or otherwise base our progress completely on it. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I think as we don't know God's miracle schedule, we better get off our behinds and get doing.
You can definitely interpret the previous verse as "God helps those who help themselves"
I believe in miracles, but let's face it. Very few people are going to get the obvious kind of miracle which we call miracles (in the meantime, several miracles are bombarding us daily just like UV rays). If you wake up anyday and you are able to get up, that's a miracle right there. We take it for granted until it becomes impossible (which it will be if we live long enough). Now, maybe such things shouldn't be termed miracles, since God has decreed it to be so from the foundation of the world.
Now, let's go back to the "true" miracles. Why are we not experiencing it like the bible appears to indicate is possible (notice, I didn't say promise, since it's conditional)
My answer is this: God created the universe, with all its laws (chemistry, physics, etc). Set everything on a roll (and most especially since Adam sinned)and decided to let it "roll" with little interference from Him. Now, we do not know the mind of God (except as He reveals it), so apart from when (which probably appears random to a lot of folks) He decides to interfere here and there, the only way we can (appear) to force His hand is to have faith when asking for something. Now since we all pray like prayer is going out of fashion and nothing happens (I know some people are going to say I should speak for myself), it begs the question: "are there really any believers (including the clergy) with at least a mustard-size amount of faith?" Afterall, even Jesus wondered if he would find any true believers on his return (Luke 18:8b)
So if our faith isn't strong enough to cut it, we better roll up our sleeves and put our shoulders into it! Then maybe, just maybe, apart from the "natural" law of planting and reaping, He may just decide to multiply our effort with a little miracle!

...Tunde itayemi nd I

1st day of strike...8.00am

Mornin every1,

I have been nurturing an idea since yday...wanna hear?

I am going to be cross blogging wt a senior colleague of mine today (he writes...I post...I write...he posts)...he is one of da most talented bloggers in 9jaria..He is also a very good friend!!!

Since we can't move...we can at least write...

Hopefully by da end of 2day...you all would get 2 c it...excited?..I know I am...

The child in me...you nko?

I am in a mushy mood tonight...so I thought ill share it with every1...no  letters for now...

There are so many things I miss about childhood...wanna hear?
I will tell you anyways...

The child in me
wishes for that time when everything was received and given in Love

The child in me
wishes for the time when everything wasn't so complicated...No strike...no nothing


The child in me misses those days when boys saw me as a friend not a plaything...

The child in me misses the time when love was so simple and beautiful
when it wasn't laced with bitterness, deep pains, and regret...

The child in me misses the time when I didn't have to worry about what to eat, and how to take care of other people, other than myself...

The child in me misses the time when crushes would cause my heart to flutter

The playful child in me misses throwing papers at friends during classes...laughing at teachers who piss us off

Oh...how I miss...the time, when the only thing I had to cry over were strokes of cane not loss of friends or people I hold dear...

I guess what I miss most about childhood is laughter, love undefined, true friendship, and my not having to work so much...ha ha ha

What do YOU miss  about your childhood?


P.S. to those who make me miss the child in me......mylipsrsealed...



I MISS THE CHILD IN ME...Gudnyt everyone...

Dear strike

Dearest? Strike,

I know you are best friends with Nigeria...both of you probably have sleep overs at each other's place...which is what friendship really entails...abi now? Strike, please if it is okay with you...could you please break up with Nigeria because I am now on talking terms with her. I know it is non of your business but please you have had Nigeria to yourself for a long time...maybe it is time you let her actually meet other people like me, peace, agreement, etc...

Nigeria has been chatting about your forthcoming visit on monday...please strike, could you just not come?...I know you miss Nigeria but believe me, she is better and happier without you. I know we all look out for our friend's happiness so I am sure, you want Nigeria to be happy. She is excited that you are coming but when she sees that I am not looking..her eyes are dim and I swear to you strike (even though I am a christian and swearing is a sin), I can almost see tears falling down her eyes..but she is such a strong person, she holds them back.

Strike, please Nigeria is celebrating a new season in her life (new year), so, could you please just give her a present. Rather than coming, send petrol instead...pls ensure He comes at 39 naira per litre...please...I know we have never really met since I have been in school and all. Well, I am now part of the Labour market so if you visit, I am likely to feel your presence....I already can feel your 'upcoming visit'..there is no power supply...food is expensive...money is scarce...Imagine if you eventually vist...chei!!!...I beg of you..stay where you are...

Strike, please send hunger to all the people in power who do not know the agony of living day to day unsure of what tomorrow might hold...or what food to eat...I know you have already packed your bags so rather than unpacking, why don't you visit BOKO HARAM...I know he misses you...He speaks so fondly of you and your brother silence...maybe you could take him along too!!!!

I have to go now strike because Nigeria is talking to me again about your visit...and you know how nervous she is, besides, my battery is low since there is no power supply...please grant my requests...thank you for reading.

Yours truly..
Mylipsrsealed

P.S. When I was younger, whenever I felt trouble looming, I would squeeze my eyes tight and ask God to take away the trouble. In exchange, I would promise to love and serve Him better....now, with tears in my eyes, I squeeze them shut...and I ask...please God take away the trouble in Nigeria...I promise to love you more...Amen...

#OCCUPYNIGERIA...in my own way...

The cost of ignorance

When I am not writing letters, I am laughing at situations...

May I just say that I have suffered in the hands of ignorance one too many times, so, telling this story is not to laugh. at the subject of the story but to generally laugh at the tricks ignorance plays on us, even without us knowing...

Midweek service,

So, my pastor decides to ask everyone in church how they are coping with the fuel subsidy issue...listen to the conversation that went on between him and a church member

Pastor- madam, how much are you selling a small keg of kersosene now, with the recent change in fuel price?

Church member- slightly above 650...around 700naira...still the same price

P- ehn ehn...even with petrol selling at 146 naira

C.M-(Eyes widened, nostrils flared, as if she just realises her lack of knowledge) uhmm..still the same price pastor.

P- okay, that is very good ...keep it up.

After service...same woman now talking to her youngest child

C.M- idowu...as soon as we get home...please inform our customers that the prices have changed, a small keg is now 850 naira... (Pidgin) if they no wan buy, mak they go use firewood...

I couldn't stop laughing, when I heard the stern instructions she passed to her daughter...you see, most times, our ignorance costs us the most valuable yet little things in life...I speak from experience...painful ones...

P.S. All of these dialogue was in yoruba (Nigerian)...

Please do what you must to stay informed.

( A friend of mine just travelled to the north today despite the warnings from BOKO haram...all part of ignorance)


Tell me your story and let's laugh together...till then Mylipsrsealed

Dearest Professor Pat Utomi (Part 1)

Dear Pat Utomi,

Sir, you see it isn't that we do not want to gear up in this generation...da 20s nd 30s..it is just that we have no identity as a whole (I might decide to go into the details in the other letters)...I speak for myself and, maybe a few others when I say..right from my university days when Lecturers thought time would stand still while they went on strike, holding lots of students' futures to ransom, using us to 'deal' with the very deaf or ignorant government under the umbrella of Asuu, I have lost a great deal of interest in the nation' affairs..why would I bother with a nation that isn't interested in educating me? All I wanted was to get out of school, get a job that pays me enough to take care of me and my family (my mum nd my sisters), marry a man who is wise enough to stay out of government issues BUT clever enough to eat out of the national cake, that frankly I am very suprised it hasn't finished...with all the gluttons feasting on it. So you see, all I wanted was to survive...applying one of Charles Darwin's theory called..survival of da fittest.

Now, that Boko Haram,the president, Buhari, IBB, Atiku, and the rest of the power hungry pack have connived and they are hell bent on obstructing my survival..I have no choice than to speak out.

I have just one question for you professor...when are we going to adapt the Jerry Rawlings style, and kill who needs to be killed so I and others in this country can live a peaceful, petroleum trouble free, bomb free, religious bigotry free life? When sir?...

P.s. I am expecting a reply sir...

Till you say something...mylipsrsealed

Me, myself nd 2012

Happy nw year every1,

I have decided 2 kip myself, nd mayb U, very busy wit Books...av just ended a journey into Kwame Nkrumah's life through the eyes of Genoveva Kanu...his most trusted female frend...nw am having a very strange lunch with Camara Laye...da main course is called...The radiance of the King...I can't wait to see who I will be having dinner with...Lenin perhaps?..yum...I love Russian dishes...(I must confess ds line of readin is triggered by da recent happenings in Nigeria...subsidy removal et al)

What about you? Which writer is going 2 b ur 1st date in 2012? Can't wait 2 hear 4rum u nd see who u r chillin wt.

P.S. After I finish my date with Lenin, am moving on 2 cosmopolitan magazines or ny oda...xoxo

U knw mylipsrsealed...