TO THE ONE WHO COULDNT FORGIVE...

Morning everyone,

Hope you slept okay? I know I did...at least till I woke-up, and I tried to go back to sleep...I had an awkward dream...well it started out making sense then it became very confusing....or clearer. Anywayz, I am up, and I decided to give ex number 4 his gift...with a very big smile. I am smiling because I have cried so many nights. Now, I am not someone who cries,and the whole neighbourhood would know...I am more of a 'silent crier.'
Sometimes I cry, and tears trickle down my face, other times I cry, and my eyes are dry. This particular type of crying is the most painful because you hurt so much, the tears refuse to come out. I give kudos to the male gender because they are very familiar with this type of crying...God forbid, a man should break down like a girl, rather he holds it all in, and he finds a way to let it out either by drinking, partying hard or taking up a habit..if he doesn't drink, smoke or party.

Now, I am not a drinker nor a 'partier' and I don't like smoking so that leaves me with taking up a habit right? Well, when this ex hurt me, I was too hurt to take up a habit so, I spent most nights crying inside, and smiling outside.

He took my spirit, and shredded it. Why? Because he couldn't forgive.
Remember ex number 3? He almost broke me...this one broke me, and he didn't even look back...

Lesson number 1..please learn to forgive...
Lesson number 2...never let a person own too much of you...or else you end up like I did...dead inside, alive outside!

If you are married, and you are reading this, please just stick to lesson number one...why? Because I don't know what marriage is like, so, I can't advise you except I walk a mile in your shoes right?...plus I think if a marriage is real, and true, then you and the person own one another abi?

Moving on...so this ex is one of those I wanted to not write about...but I guess I have to...enjoy...

To you who couldn't forgive...
I remember you now
Because I never forgot
You turned your back without feeling..
Feeling my pain, and silent tears
Even when you backed me
I still whispered your name!!!
Yet you didn't listen
I know you heard
'I am sorry' I pleaded
Yet you refused to turn towards me
You wicked soul!!!
I didn't cheat..
I didn't lie
I simply showed you my flaw
And you ran like a scared rabbit...
Ha ha ha...you ran
Even if I lied or cheated..
Are you so perfect to judge me?
If GOD can forgive...
Who are you to turn your back?

Look at me now
I see a man and I am afraid to show him my flaws
Lest he runs or turns his back like you did
If you were a leader
You would be a young Idi-Amin
If you were a woman
You would be a Jezebel
You should have listened
Or pretended to listen...
You, who I never should have looked at ever
I can almost curse the day I saw you
But I won't...because I am better than you
At least you didn't take a journey in me
Else I would have chopped off your manhood...
The thought gives me unexplained pleasure
Yes.. I would gladly make you less of a man...gladly

If I meet another like you
I won't run...I would stay and seek silent revenge
But if I do that, it means we are the same..and I am nothing like you
So if I meet you in another form...
I would show my flaws...love like never before
And forgive him what I hold against you...
You hear?
I forgive you for not forgiving me
I need to move on lest I die a bitter person
So, I leave you with this...a gift from me to you...
I leave you with this part of me
That I never want to see again..
Take it o...my lovely EX number four
Take the sad part of me...
That is all you deserve...

Mylipsrsealed...

To those who can't forgive...shake my head for you!!!

TO THE ONE WHO ALMOST BROKE ME....U WISH!!!

Hi people,

So, before I proceed to giving ex number 3 his gift, I want to apologise to you, I read some of my posts today, and I realise I have been making some really bad grammatical errors...oops!!! Gawd have mercy!!! My English teacher during my secondary school days would have beaten the fat out of my skinny body if she had read some of my posts...so, I will like to apologise for the past, and future 'gbagauns' (grammatical errors) I have made, and will make. I will try to be extra careful from now on...okay?

Now, back to the gift I am giving all my EXS...wait... I have some gist for you...an EX called me today asking what I have been up to?...weird right?..I haven't heard from him since forever.....maybe he thinks if he plays nice, I might not write about him...BIG SKINNY LIE, in fact he is the next EX I am sending a gift to...*evil laughter*

Back to ex number 3....have you ever met someone who tried so hard to make you into what you are not? I mean you start taking up habits you never knew you could? You start cooking, cleaning, and running errands while the guy just orders you around. You literally become a house wife without the ring, and commitment included...this particular ex almost made me into what I am not. Don't get me wrong...I am cool with being the good, loving girlfriend who once in a while cooks, cleans and does all the blah blah blah BUT I am not cool with being a doormat...why would you try to make me into what I am not? If you take me from ME...then all you have is nothing...

I left this ex because I looked into the mirror during the relationship, and I didn't know who I saw staring back at me...once you don't know who you are anymore...FLEE from the relationship...like I did...
So, here is to the one who almost broke me in the name of love?

You almost broke me
I laugh in your face now
You deserve an applause
Can we please stand up?
And never sit
In honour of him...
The 'tamer'

You asked me
I answered
Then you made me regret answering
You called
I responded
All in the name of what?
Love???

You never hurt me
At least not physically
But you managed to touch my spirit
You made me into another
You corrected
Not in love
But in silent anger
You gave
Not in love
But to save face

I laugh at myself
When I remember how I used to run helter-skelter
Just to put a smile on your face
I smile..that quivering smile
When I think of your ever moving lips
Always complaining
I hug myself
When I rememember how lonely I was...

Thank you
For making me stronger
With you
I was weak
With you
I was restful
Not the restless spirit
With you
I smiled once in a very blue moon
With you
I loved
Then I hated...
With you
I knew the meaning of using my legs
Because I ran away
As soon as I could

You never lied
Why would you?
To me, everything you said was true
You didn't need to watch your back
I sat at home like a dog
Waiting for its favourite bone
You were happy
I was not
You were comfortable
I was not
You loved the new me
I did not
You...you...you
Never about me...

Can I tell you a single truth?
You are not it...
You have never been it
You may never be it
Except you meet a blind, dumb, non-existing person
Or another you
I no longer loathe you
But I cringe at the idea of you
I pray no on one makes the mistake

Oya, stand up
Smile, and wave
The people are clapping for you
You, who almost broke me...

Mylipsrsealed...

P.S. In honour of Whitney Houston, and others like her...don't be afraid to leave...
You will find another...

THE DIVORCE

Hi everyone,

So, I am still working on EX 3' s gift. While you wait, here is a little something to keep you busy...it is a short story I wrote..I had a lot of fun constructing these characters..E.njoy..

THE DIVORCE

Tade was having a nightmare, he saw his wife chasing him with a long, sharp fork. He kept running, and she never stopped chasing, he hit a stone, and tripped. Before he could stand, his wife had caught up with him, and she was about to plunge the fork into his midriff when he woke up.

Sweat ran down his well chiselled face, and he was breathing heavily.

"But my wife is not even around." He thought.

He decided to wash his face in the zinc, so he was headed towards the bathroom, when his phone rang.

"Who on earth is calling at this time?" He wondered.

The caller's identity scared Tade, it was his wife, his soon to be ex- wife.

He dropped the phone like it was a contagious disease. He headed back to the bathroom, and he was about to splash water on his face when he remembered.
He remembered how he met the woman who chased him with a fork in his dream...

It was a day before christmas, Tade decided to run some final errands before christmas. He drove down to the market, and went to see his customer who sold rice.

"Uncle Tade, your rice don ready o." Obinna said to him

"Thank you, abeg pass am." Tade instructed him.

Obinna gave him a bag, and Tade carried it to his car, he was about to open his booth, when he saw her. She was buying Iru from a seller just a mile away from him. The moment Tade saw her, everything seemed to stop moving. He suddenly couldn't breath. He kept staring at her till she looked at him, probably because she felt his heavy gaze on her.
She looked at him, and quickly looked away. She paid the seller, and hurried away almost as if Tade was an armed robber.

Tade kept staring, until he realised she was walking away. He dropped the bag of rice on the floor, and immediately ran after her.

"Hi." He said when he finally caught up with her.

"Hmmm?"She responded.

"My name is Tade, and I am going to marry you but let us start with a drink, what do you say?" Tade said, trying his best to be suave though the market was rowdy, and he looked awkward with the expression on his face.

She looked at him briefly, and then she told him to leave her alone. Before he could say anything, she had stopped a bike and she was leaving.

Tade quickly stopped another bike, and chased after her, leaving his car, and bag of rice in the hands of his busy rice seller.

That was how he met the woman that he was about to divorce...

He washed his face, and he went back to bed ignoring the phone that continued ringing.

He was about to sleep when he saw a card on the floor that read Uzo.
He remembered the day he got her the card...

It was Valentine, and Tade wanted to surprise his wife so he asked his friend Austin, an artist to make a card for her.

"Hello Austin lolo...my card don ready?" Tade said into the phone.

"Tee baba, it is ready, come and pick it on your way from work." Austin replied.

"Thanks Bro, I trust you made the best because you know Uzo is the best." He bragged.

"I made a beautiful card." Austin assured him.

He picked the card up on his way home along with some flowers, and a bunch of keys.

"I am home baby." Tade screamed as soon as he stepped into his house.

"Hi honey, just a minute, I am trying to finish up here." Uzo replied.

"Ok, take your time." Uzo told her.

He went into the sitting room downstairs, and he knelt at the centre of the room, holding flowers, a card in one hand, and he had a bunch of keys in the other.

Uzo, ran into the sitting room, and she started crying when she saw her husband.

"Happy Valentine's day baby." Tade said smiling.

She knelt, and crawled towards him. They hugged, and he kissed her. He gave her the card, flowers and keys.

"Thank you Mr. Odeyemi...what are the keys for?" She asked jokingly

"Your new house Mrs Odeyemi...which I am sure you will never live in because you will be here with me." Tade replied

Uzo looked at him, and she hugged him tight.

"I will kill you, if you leave me, I love you to death honey." She joked...

"Stupid me, buying her a house, now she lives there, she lives in the house I bought for her while we were together!!! Plus she is trying to kill me." Tade screamed out into the empty house.

He kicked at the sheets angrily, and he was almost rolling off the bed. He took deep breathes, calmed down, and then the memories came rushing back again.

Tade couldn't help thinking back to the day, he knew his marriage was over...

He came home that day in a fine mood. Uzo had said she was visiting a friend in town so he knew he had to have lunch alone. He missed her already but he couldn't stop her from visiting her friends. He decided to call her.
Her phone was ringing but he could hear it so he traced it to their bedroom.

"This babe forgot her phone, hope she comes back." Tade thought aloud.

He was leaving when Uzo's phone rang.

"Hello...please call her..."Tade started

"Mrs Odeyemi, I am sorry ma but we can't afford to carry out another abortion on you, it is too risky, this is the fourth time in three years. If you insist, please visit another clinic." The caller parroted over the phone.

Uzo cut the phone, and he stood at the door staring into space for hours until he heard Uzo drive into the compound.
She called out to him, and she came upstairs.

The moment he saw her, he asked in a calm manner.

"Have you been killing my babies?"

She did not feign ignorance.

"Yes I have." She answered in the same manner.

Tade looked at her again, and he realised his marriage, if it was even to be called that, was over...

Finally, he shut his eyes but he couldn't sleep. While he tried to sleep, he remembered how Uzo used to hold him those nights when sleep eluded him. The memories kept tormenting him, so, he went downstairs, and called his lawyer.
He had a meeting with the lawyer the next day to finalise his divorce.

"Hello, Tokunbo are you awake?" He said into the phone the moment his lawyer picked.

"I am now. Tade how you go dey wake person at 2am in the morning?...is it because you are paying me?" Tokunbo complained

"Abeg no vex, I couldn't sleep..." Tade said

"So?" Tokunbo cut him short.

"I saw Uzo chasing me with a fork, she wanted to kill me o. Toks, can I file charges against her?"

"Under what?...Spiritual attack? Abeg go take piriton, and let me sleep...I am not getting a divorce so, my wife is near me, and, she is a light sleeper...goodnight!!" Tokunbo cut the phone.

"She is chasing me in my dreams so there has to be a case...hello...hello Toks?...bobo yi o gbadun sha." Tade dropped the phone.

Tade reluctantly climbed the stairs to his room, his phone was still ringing angrily, as if his wife's mood was affecting the ring tone.

He had no choice, so he picked the call.

"Hello." He drawled

"I am going to kill you!!!" Uzo screamed into the phone.

Immediately, the lights went out, and Tade knew he was in trouble...

Mylipsrsealed...

TO THE ONE I COULD NOT LOVE...

Hi everyone,

This is my second gift to my exs...this particular ex brings fond memories because he was so special.
I am going to have bitter-sweet fun remembering as I write. Sweet because I was his love, and he was my...? Ok...since you are still reading I will tell you the truth. He was such a good person to me, I was a little freaked out so I took him for GRANTED!!! I wish I could say I didn't see how good he was till he left but I would be lying...I saw how good he was yet I couldn't...I just could not love him...

I guess it is a girl thing. We see the good guys yet we date the bad ones...urrgh!!! Why do we do that???
Ok...I am through beating myself...let us focus on the prose poem...*serious voice*

Do you remember your first love? The one who made your heart pound...whose smile you could kill for? That 1st love that you could feel his/her love just by his/her looking at you?

Well, he was my first like...am not sure I was his first love but he loved me like I was number one...


MY LUMI....

I want a second chance with you...
I am not sure it will happen
If it doesn't
Can I meet another you?
Another you
Who is always dumbfounded when I am around
Another you
Who loves me with my flaws
Another you
Who corrects me so gently
Another you
Who sees our dreams
Not my dreams alone
Another you
Who wiped tears of frustration from my eyes
Another you
Who surprised me with tokens of love
Another you
Who was a fool for me
Another you
Who your friends laughed at non-stop
Another you
Who saw right through me
Another you
Who stayed even when I walked
Another you
Who loved everyone I loved
Another you
Who had my back...

My Lumi...
You must belong to someone else now
Someone who loves you back
Someone who holds in the darkest nights
Someone who dances excitedly
Just seeing you
Someone who listens to your heartbeat
Someone who would kill for you
Someone who is your better half
Someone who walks proudly beside you
Someone who is another you
Someone who is...
Everything I was not
Someone who deserves you

My Lumi..
If we meet again...
As you or another you
I can't promise not to make the same mistakes
I can only promise to...
Love you rather than like
Listen rather than talk..
Speak rather than scream
I promise to be grateful now
I promise you...my heart
My Lumi...now somebody's LUMI...

P.S. To all those who lost their first loves...

Mylipsrsealed

TO THE ONE WHO WASTED MY TIME and yours?

Hi everyone,

So, here is the first out of my several prose-poems to my exs...

Now, this particular ex managed to successfully waste my time...I spent my time, and energy with him, yet I got no positive result from it...how annoying right?

You know how you meet someone, and you try to fit into their world, making yourself into their idea of a perfect girlfriend? How you try so hard to make things work, and then one sad day, it sudden dawns on you that this guy has been wasting your time, and emotions, so you move on, no matter how painful it is? Well that is exactly what I made sure did not HAPPEN to me...I have too many girlfriends with their stories to be repeating the same mistake.

However, I knew from the moment that I saw this guy that he was a time-waster...I have met too many of them, yet I let him waste my time...why? Because I am a girl, who believes in change, chances, and blah blah blah...well, the guy still wasted my time, but I left as soon as I heard the clock ticking...so this prose-poem is for all the time- wasters I have met, and the ones that I even wasted some of my precious time with!!!


TIME- WASTER

I saw you
And I knew
Yet I smiled, and chattered away
From a distance, I knew who you were
Yet I gave you an audience
Funny isn't it?
How I knew yet I stayed

I stayed because of that beautiful face
I stayed because of your beautiful soul
I stayed because you made me laugh
I stayed because I saw us in my dream
I stayed because you lingered
I stayed because I fell
Yes I fell for you, and your time-wasting ways

I saw you with her...
Then I read your messages
I saw how your eyes wondered
Every time a female walked by
I knew you were not crossed-eyed
Yet I forgave
Till the next female passed
I knew I should have left
But I stayed
Because I thought you knew CHANGE

I left because of your lips
Ever emitting sweet words
I left because you didn't remember
To make me feel like the one...
I left because your eyes refused to stay
I left because you lied
I left because you had no personality
Your friends mattered more...
I left because the clock was ticking
And we did not move forward

I knew you tried
Maybe you should have tried harder
You didn't think I was worth it?
Well I am worth it!!
So while you wasted your time..
I refused to let you waste mine
So I left...

To all those who value their time...please leave while you still can...

Mylipsrsealed...

P.S. I hope the ex reads this...*winks*

PRE- TO ALL MY EXS...with LOVE...

Hi everyone,

First I would like to say thank you for reading my blog...I am truly humbled...I am not sure I mentioned this earlier on my interviews...I have another blog...http://www.mylipsrsealed-redlips.blogspot.com...so, please feel free to browse through my former posts...

Now...these series I am about to start is quite private because I am going to be talking about my past relationships and how they have kind of shaped me, and my response to guys...are you ready?

I am going to write prose-poems to all my EXS, I am doing this because I am hoping young girls can learn from me, and maybe you can identify with some of my prose-poems... you can call it a post valentine gift to all of them (The EXS)...*winks*

This poetry process is going to span over weeks, possibly months because I will need to be in the mood. Plus some of the memories might be a little too much so I might try to avoid them.
Don't worry eventually I will pen them down....

Anyway, in between all of that, I am going to write short stories, and take fun pictures to show you...yummy pictures!!! please keep reading and I will keep writing because...

Mylipsrsealed...

P.S. I hope all the EXS actually read it...

THROUGH MY EYES...

THROUGH MY EYES...

"Dolapo, are you sure you have packed your white shorts?" her mum asked.

"Yes mum" Dolapo answered in a longsuffering tone.

That was the umpteenth time, her mum was asking her the same question. It wasn't the fact that her mum was jittery, and excited that grated Dolapo's nerves. It was because she had so many places to go before heading to the motor park.
She glanced down at her watch impatiently.

"Maami, I have to go now, you know I can't afford to be late. Anike says the soldiers at the camp are not nice." She emphatically stressed the last word.

"Well...ok. Please Asake call as soon as you get there, behave yourself o. It is just for 21 days. May God see you.."

"Amen Iya Dolapo, I have to go now, you have prayed enough, please pray for me after I leave. I love you. Bye!"
She literally ran out of the house before her mother could say a thing. Well, she tried to run but she just ended up walking really fast because she had a huge box to drag behind her.

"Aunty Dolapo!" a distant tiny voice called out to her.

She knew who it was, so, she turned around, with a smile on her face.
Her younger sister, Durodayo ran into her arms, and held her neck so tight, breathing became difficult for Dolapo. With her face buried in her sister's neck, she wished Dolapo a safe trip.

"Please stay away from bad people, call us, and pray everyday. We love you." Duro advised

Tears glistened in Dolapo's eyes for the first time since she woke up that morning.

"See this small girl o, I am not planning to give birth there now. I promise to come back, I owe you an mp3 remember?" Dolapo joked

"You owe me an mp3, and a video game, so you better pay up." Duro tried to lighten the mood too.

She let her sister down from her arms, and slowly walked away.
She stubbornly refused to look back but as she reached the estate gate. She had no choice. She turned and all she saw was her sister waving at her.

"Go home Duro, mummy needs you...shoo." She wove at her sister, and got into the taxi.

"Oga o, aunty Dolapo, na here you think say I wan sleep." The taxi driver's voice jolted her back to reality.

"No vex, uncle Jo, abeg we still get time go Sheni's house?" She asked

"No o. I get customer wey I wan go carry for airport so if you no ready.."

"Ok...ok...let's go to ojota." She replied.

She was suddenly very angry at her mother. She wished her mum hadn't taken so much time praying, crying, and fussing over her. Maybe she would have had enough time to visit her boyfriend.

"Mummy, and all her drama, acting like she is the only one that her firstborne is a corper." She complained aloud.

"Huh?" Uncle Jo asked

"Not you ojare Uncle." She quickly replied.

She dialled her boyfriend's number but the network was busy. Angrily, she sent him a text, asking him to call her soon.
In no time, they had reached the motor park. She got down, and was immediately attacked by ambitious motorists.

"Ife, Kano, Katsina, Oyo." They all screamed at her at the same time.

She managed to pass through them, and she headed towards the vehicle going to her camp.

"Aunty Dolapo, bye-bye!!!" The driver screamed.

She impatiently wove at him, and continued walking towards the vehicle. Her phone rang in her pocket, eagerly she picked thinking it was her boyfriend.

"Hello baby...oh Anike, its you, I am on my way o madam, just got to the park. I am not coming by air so you have to wait..."

She kept walking towards the vehicle, and talking with her friend Anike on the phone.

Little did she know, that it would be the last time she ever set her feet in Lagos or see her family.

You see, Dolapo had been posted to Borno state, and she left for camp towards the end of February 2011, days before the brutal attack on non-indigenes, and christians in the northern states started....

Dedicated to all the corp members who never came back home...

Mylipsrsealed..

Shhh...I hear you

Hi everyone...

Have you ever wondered why a person has to scream???
I am a pretty good screamer...when I put my mind to it but sometimes its better to talk...
As you read this, please DO NOT SCREAM...

Shh...I hear you
No need to scream
I heard you the 1st time
no need to throw tantrums
I am not moved by all that
Shh...I hear you

Its just two of us
Why is shikirat talking too?
Its just two of us
Why are others screaming too?
I hear you...I have been hearing you

Its valentine
And you are broke
No need to scream
Its not my fault you can't perform
I will wait till its my birthday
I know you will do better
Shhh...I hear you

I understand
You are a little tired
No need to scream to save your ego
I hear you...
We can try it another time

Junior's fees need to be paid
Yet your salary is late
Don't worry I'll pay
You can bribe me later
Shhh...you don't have to scream

You can't get that job done
Don't scream at me
Go home
Take a cold bath, and sleep
You will get it when you wake...
Shh...I hear you


Shh..I hear you
I have been hearing you
The question is...
Am I even listening?
Shh...your voice is driving me insane
Just shut up...please shut up...
Shhh...I hear you

The landlord came while you were away
Don't scream at me
Just pay the rent
Or ask me to lend you some money
Shh...I hear you...

I needs to buy some shoes
I also need to feel like, and look like a woman
Don't scream at me because you can't be the 'man' in the woman
Just tell me the truth
I will ask our next door neighbour Obinna..
He is very nice to me...
At least he doesn't scream

You can't cook
Don't scream to save face
Just buy take-out and serve it
Its even more romantic
Shh...he hears you

Its my job to hear you
Its your job to talk not scream
Shh...pls I hear you...

...To them that hide under the umbrella of high pitched voices...

Mylipsrsealed...

I lost you

Hi every1,

... So, I can't sleep because I spent the entire day SLEEPING!!! My neighbour's generator would not stop making that annoying sound, and memories keep flooding back...urrggh! I can't stand sad memories so I have to write it out...plus it is the month of love..blah..blah. So, I am feeling all mushy..I thought I'd take you down memory lane...so you can feel what I am feeling...Maybe you won't feel like sleeping after or maybe sleep will just run away from u as in my case...*naughty me*

So, if you have ever lost someone or something (not to death alone o)...JOIN ME...

I LOST YOU..
Did I?
The snatched laughter
The borrowed time
The never ending conversations...
Yet I lost you...

I lost you
Even when forever seemed so close
The ceaseless fun
The never ending stories
Yet I lost you

You stood in front of me
Yet I did not see you...
The increased beats of my heart at your sight
Like the talking drums making love to a dancer's feet...
Yet I lost you

They say there is always another
Will there be for me...
Will I ever smile that lingering smile
Just at the thought of you?
Will I run to hide again?
While you look effortlessly for me
I lost you

You, who made the night look like the day
You, who I prayed for more than myself...
Was God not listening?...
Yet I lost you..

I lost you
Maybe my grip was too loose
Yet I tried to hold on to you
I refused to choke you
Yet I lost you

Now, in the dead of the night
I reach out to you
But all I feel is NOTHING
I know it
You know it
Yet I lost you...

...To those that have suffered losses...You will find again...


Mylipsrsealed...